Party Foul, Life Penalty

Some things about sports are mysterious, and some things in sports make a lot of sense. For instance, the idea that when you do something wrong, you get a penalty (or foul, whatever), makes a ton of sense. In fact, I think that life should have its own clear-cut penalty system. Now, in order to make it work in the real world, you would need to have one standard system of fouls and penalties- but what sport to borrow it from?

Now, for my opinion, I know exactly which sport I would take my penalty system from. Not basketball, that is for sure. Free shots for you when others screw up? I don't think so. I guess you could make a football penalty system work, but I think it would be a bit unmanageable (too many different penalties for different things, etc). Does baseball even have penalties? The best and most workable sports penalty system by far is from ice hockey.

Think about it: there's a pretty limited set of things that will land you a penalty in hockey, and all the penalty punishments are the same. In hockey, if you do something against the rules, its either a major or a minor. A minor will get you 2 minutes of sit-out time in the penalty box, and majors will get you 5 minutes in the penalty box. It's a brilliant plan! If you screw up big-time, you've got a major, otherwise your life foul is a minor.

Honestly, sometimes people deserve a life foul- but how to enforce it? This is where hockey comes in handy again. Ice hockey refs are the best refs around. Where football refs tend to be portly (and frequently wrong), ice hockey referees are crazy agile and are (I hate to admit it) right about their calls more often than they are wrong (and certainly more often than football refs are). Therefore, hockey refs would be better prepared to referee real life than any other sports refs (don't even suggest basketball, those refs are useless). And since video review is allowed in hockey, if you don't like your life penalty call, you can just ask for a  video review!

Life penalties would be a good thing. For me, for you, for the world. Simple, straightforward, and well-earned by all.

Author's note: To the people doing street construction outside my window at 1am, you get as many 5 minute major penalties as it takes for me to fall asleep without your ruckus.