What Not to Name Your Children

Everyone has a name, everyone needs a name, and it is usually your parent's job to come up with something. Unless you've decided to go for a mid-life moniker change or are going through a rebellious stage in your teens, you usually have no say in what your name is.

Thinking of names for a child is challenging (probably- I am making assumptions here because I've only ever had to come up with names for pets, personally. But I imagine it is difficult because there are so many names to choose from). Unfortunately, some parents are better than others at the whole naming thing. While it is perfectly normal/traditional to give your child a name that's in the family (ex. Kings Henry I-VIII, Dale Earnhardt Jr., etc.), it can definitely be taken too far. How far is too far? Giving your child your name, regardless of their gender. That is too far. Will and Jada Pinkett Smith went for the double and named their kids Willow and Jaden. Guys, don't you think people will notice? Isn't it just a touch vain to name your kids your name? Another perpetrator of this bad habit is George Foreman, who named all of his five sons George Edward Foreman. To make it worse, he also names one of his daughters Freeda George and another Georgetta. Could you not think of something else? Those kids are stuck with that name for the rest of their lives!

And don't think that just because you're from ye olden days, that you're exempted from scorn. I'm looking at you, Alexandre Dumas! He named one of his daughters Marie-Alexandrine. As far as I'm aware, that's not even a normal feminine version of the masculine Alexandre (um, Alexandra?). Also his first son (illegitimate) was named Alexander Dumas and became a successful author and playwright (which was so confusing that people have to call the second Alexander fils., or son. See what trouble you caused, Dumas?!) Seriously, how are your kids ever supposed to step out of your famous-person shadow if you saddle them with a name that already carries the weight of your own life?

Note that none of these example are royalty. I suppose I see the need to name your kid something familial if they will some day grow up to rule as monarch over a nation. The Smiths? Not ruling a nation any time soon, so they have no excuse.